Very Official Copyright Ownership Verification Survey

Absolutely Not a Scam and we are telling the truth. This is the Copyright Trust Department.

The Royalties Payment Office — a very official-looking room full of busy government employees processing your royalties

God Bless dear. We absolutely assure you that this is not a Nigerian scam center that has hacked the copyright website, that is now trying to get your personal information. We are not going to rob you and will get very insulted if you suspect us because we are good people.

We do, of course, need your crypto-wallet information, but solely for routine copyright verification, royalty authentication, artistic ownership confirmation, and several other official-sounding procedures that we are still naming.

Definitely not to clean out every penny, I assure you. Now if you would be so kind to answer a few simple questions:

Our records indicate that you may be entitled to significant unpaid royalties from one or more of the following: streaming services or other stuff. If you want this money, please complete the survey below.

Our offices. As you can see, everyone is very busy working on your money.

1.  What was the name of your first pet?

Excellent. This helps us confirm that you wrote the song.

2.  What is your mother's maiden name?

This is a standard copyright question used by all major intellectual property authorities, banks, and suspicious relatives.

3.  What was the street that you grew up on?

Please be specific. If you grew up on multiple streets, provide all of them, in order of emotional damage.

4.  What was the make and model of your first car?

This helps us determine whether your copyright has sufficient originality.

5.  What high school did you attend?

This question is necessary because many songs are secretly about high school.

6.  What is your favorite password hint?

Do not worry. We are not asking for your password.

7.  What is your password?

Do not worry. It is ok to tell us, but don't tell others.

8.  What is the password to your crypto wallet?

You need to pay the taxes and transfer fees on those royalties from streaming services and stuff.

9.  Please start heading over to your local supermarket to buy some gift cards, and if anyone asks what they're for, don't tell them anything. They are scammers.

10.  What was the name of your elementary school?

We require this to compare your current artistic genius against your earliest known crayon works.

11.  What was your first car?

This helps us test your memory. We are concerned for you in many ways.

12.  What is the name of your favorite teacher?

This allows us to confirm whether you have always been creative, or whether someone encouraged this behavior.

13.  For identification purposes, please provide the number, expiration date, and CCV number of every credit card.

This allows us to confirm you are you, so we can send you the money. Do you want your money? That’s why we need this.

13b.  Please upload a naked photograph of yourself holding a government ID and today’s newspaper.

If you do not own a guitar, please hold anything that proves you are serious about music, such as sunglasses indoors.

14.  Please confirm you are not currently working with the Federal Bureau, the Copyright Police, or a cousin who “really knows a lot about computers.”

This question is for survey improvement purposes only.

By clicking Submit you agree to our Terms, Conditions, and also to give us everything.