Riddle Me This

Frequently Asked Questions

Twenty-three questions. Twenty-two answers of one syllable. One golden exception.

Should I tell my wife that I was originally interested in her sister?

No.

Is it normal that my barber knows more about my marriage than my spouse does?

No.

If my dog avoids me after karaoke night, should I apologize to him?

No.

Should I invest my retirement savings into a cryptocurrency recommended by a guy named “Tank”?

No.

If I put “LOL” after a threat, does it legally become a joke?

No.

Is buying a sword online at 2:00 a.m. usually the beginning of a good decision?

No.

I have tried to cancel this damn Girls Gone Wild VHS Subscription Service for nearly 20 years. Is this company ever going to stop charging me for a mistake I made on a lonely night at 3:30 a.m., 15 years ago?

No.

Should I tell coworkers I once cried during a Buffalo Wild Wings commercial?

No.

Is it wise to reconnect with an ex during Mercury retrograde and three margaritas?

No.

If my uncle says “trust me” before every business proposal, should I trust him?

No.

Can I save my marriage by purchasing a jet ski?

No.

If I lose an argument, should I suddenly bring up something from 1998?

No.

Is a garage freezer full of unmarked meat ever a positive sign?

No.

Should I ask my doctor if stress can legally be classified as a preexisting condition?

No.

If the group chat is named “Do NOT Screenshot This,” should I leave immediately?

No.

Should I begin every legal argument with “Well actually…”?

No.

Is it a good sign if the wedding DJ is also serving as security?

No.

If a motivational speaker had five rehab stints, four DUIs, three ex-wives, two catfish loves and three bankruptcies since sixteen, should I still buy the platinum package?

No.

Should I try singing that countdown in the last question to the tune of The 12 Days of Christmas?

Yes.

Can a relationship survive after someone says, “Well, I Mean, Technically…”?

No.

Should I tell my children that Dad’s “business trip” was actually a failed hibachi restaurant venture?

No.

When is the right time to enter the exciting world of pet raccoon ownership?

No.

Were Ross and Rachel on a Break?

No.

Have another question?  The answer is almost certainly “No.”